Hurt
by sarijw
Summary: 10Rose. Oneshot. Everyone makes mistakes. The Doctor goes back for Rose.


A dreaded songfic. The song is "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera. Have you heard this song? You need to hear this song. This girl can sing ballads like no one else. Heard it in the car a few weeks ago; it got firmly lodged into my brain and came out like this. I wasn't _going_ to include the lyrics, but I wanted to sort of plug them in. They roughly coincide with what I was writing at the time, so maybe you can see my train of thought. But...probably not, as I'm quite a bit off my rocker.

Spoilers: None really to speak of, as it is so incredibly AU it will make your teeth hurt. Doomsday, but only if you know what's going on.

Disclaimer: I own it all!...Now I just have to convince _them_...

* * *

"D-Doctor…w-what are you doing here?" Jackie Tyler glanced behind her shoulder before stepping outside and shutting the door of her flat behind her. She wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the chill breeze and looked up at the handsome visage of the Doctor. His thick, dark hair waved in the breeze, his eyes flickered over her face.

"In the neighbourhood," he said lamely, shrugging. They both knew it was a lie. "Wanted to see Rose, you."

"I thought you didn't contact your companions after you dropped them back, quick as you please," Jackie said snidely. There was something in his eyes—

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today_

"You see…I just needed to see her. I just needed to see Rose." He gripped her arms, not noticing the tears that welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill. "I just need to see her, to know she's okay. I don't even have to talk to her. Just tell me where she is, she'll never notice me."

"Doctor—"

"She's a grown woman, Jackie, you can't keep her from me."

"You don't und—"

"I know what I did was wrong. And I've been fighting with that for a long time, years, in fact…but…some things happened recently, some…visions or…well, they actually happened, but I think I can change them, but I need Rose back. D'you understand? I just need her to come back to me."

"Doctor…I thought you knew." The horror that crossed Jackie's face had his hearts thumping hard in tandem.

"Knew what, Jackie?"

"Ro…Rose died more than six months ago, Doctor."

_I would hold you in my arms  
I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes  
_

"No. She put you up to this, right? 'He ever comes back, tell him I'm gone'?" He reached past her, twisting the door knob in his hand and pushed the door open, shoving past her.

"She…she wouldn't _do _that, Doctor! She got sick and—" He reached Rose's bedroom door and he shoved that door open, too, gripping the doorframe as Jackie trailed off. Rose's bed was bare and the room was in that precarious state of half-packed, as if whoever was packing knew they had to but didn't want to and had to force themselves to do it.

_There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again  
Sometimes I wanna call you  
But I know you won't be there_

He turned, glowering at Jackie and she took a step back.

"Where's Rose, Jackie?"

"I _told _you—"

"She's not dead." He shook his head hard. His right heart began to beat harder and somewhere in his mind, he was surprised it didn't just explode. "She's no…" He stumbled back against the wall, praying it would hold him up, because he couldn't anymore. "…not dead, she isn't! Stop playing this game!"

"I'm not playing any game! How do you think I could do that!"

"Jackie…please. Jackie." Horrified, he felt the tears well up, spill over. "No no no…please. She's not dead, she isn't."

"I'm sorry, Doctor." At her words, he gave a little whimper and felt himself slide down until he hit the floor. "I'm so sorry. I thought you knew."

"How? How could I…"

"I didn't know if you'd kept tabs on her or not." Jackie knelt next to him and put a tentative hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew," she repeated.

_Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you_

He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, leaning his forehead against his knees, willing the tears back.

"She can't be dead. She…Rose." His words were muffled, but Jackie could hear the tears and her hand slid down to rub his back.

"How, Jackie? She was so young…"

"I know, love." Jackie wrapped her arm around him, pulling him against her, quelling her own tears when she felt his shuddering breaths. "She…we don't know what happened. I mean, we _know_ but—" He sat back and looked at her and she sighed.

"She was fine…depressed, yeah, for the first month or so…but fine. And then she came down with a cold, but we'd had nasty weather for awhile, so we didn't figure anything of it, you know?" The Doctor nodded and she studied his tear-streaked, drawn face.

"And she wasn't getting over it. The cold, I mean. But we figured it was because you'd left her here—" She didn't miss his wince, but she didn't comment on it. "And she was depressed. They had her on those pills and everything." He looked away, running his hand into his hair and leaving it there, his elbow resting on his knee.

_Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss  
And it's so hard to say goodbye  
When it comes to this_

"But then it got worse…bronchitis, pneumonia…so they finally did a chest X-ray and she had a…a mass." Jackie swallowed hard. More than a year on, it was still so difficult to talk about. He looked up at her again but she didn't meet his gaze. "They said surgery would take care of it. They promised surgery would take care of it. So they took her lung and then she barely recovered from that. She started getting sick again and they did more tests and it came back." She covered her face, sobbing. "It came back and…and she was gone by October." She sniffled, wiped her eyes with her sleeve and looked up at him again. His tears had overflowed and he was looking off to the side, biting down hard on his bottom lip.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. But she said your name. The last thing she said was your name."

* * *

_Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am? _

There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes  
And see you looking back

"I shouldn't have left her." He stood with Jackie, hand in hand, at the entrance to the cemetery. "I shouldn't---it was a stupid fight and we…were both being stubborn and I…was too late. I came back too late." He sighed. "It wouldn't be the first time I was late. Hurts more, though."

"Doctor?" But he simply shook his head. Jackie led him through the rain-soaked, winding paths until they came to a small grove of flowering trees.

"What did you see, Doctor?" When he simply turned to her, eyebrows raised, she gestured vaguely. "You said you had…visions…or something."

"Oh." He let out a sigh. "Rose got sucked into the Void. My fault. But I couldn't stop it."

_Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself _

Jackie knew it wasn't as simple as all that, but she didn't push him.

"The Void's…nothing. Just…nothing. No up, no down. No light, no dark. Nothing. And I dreamt she got taken there."

Jackie led him to a grave and he swallowed hard. It was _so _hard to imagine that her tiny little body was in there, her smartass, loving, caring, funny, intelligent, brave demeanour forever silenced.

The thoughts tore through his head…crossing his own timeline, getting her back, apologizing for everything, even if she didn't know what he was gobbing on about.

But would it change the future? That was the problem with Time.

_If I had just one more day  
I would tell you how much that I've missed you  
Since you've been away  
Ooh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line  
To try and turn back time_

He crouched near the headstone, brushing away the blades of grass that had gotten swept up and stuck to it. Feeling the tears well into his eyes again, he read the inscription.

Rose Marion Tyler

1987 – 2006

"Don't mourn for me now

because I'm finally at home

in the Stars"

* * *

_Fin._


End file.
